Yesterday did not belong to the category of most days.
I was at the folk festival on Prince's Island, a lovely and familiar place filled with excited energy and friends and foliage and awesome musical grooves. I could not have asked for a more lovely evening: truth. But all the while little thoughts came a nag nag nagging at the back of my brain, and by the time it was dark and I slid into the throngs of yammering people leaving the enclosure I was struck dumb by the power of time. I remembered being at the same festival, the same park, with the same sense of expectation. I remembered the things I had wanted at that time. I remembered my dreams, my newly-hatched schemes. I remembered my sadnesses that overwhelmed after a while every reason I had to be joyful. I wish I could say that remembering a sadder time in comparison with the present time made me grateful. But I felt weighted down and overwhelmed by the magnitude of the unknown. I felt laterally connected to that self, that girl filled with disappointment and impenetrable loneliness who wandered away from a happiness she had anticipated to sit alone by the water and think of her every unfulfilled desire.
There are times when I feel separated from that girl. Prosperous. Powerful. But on days like yesterday I come to realize that time and chemicals do not have the power to eradicate her from my self. She is part of the grand scheme. Part of the inner universe. A planet that I have to visit from time to time to get where I want to go. When I am in Calgary, she is my Red Deer. When I'm in Regina, she is my Davidson.
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